Story Time with Harry Potter!
by Chatters
Summary: Harry "reads" his son James "Twilight" in hopes that it will scare him away from books so he can be an arrogant jerk like his grandfather :


**Disclaimer: I clearly don't own Twilight or Harry Potter cause if I did I would be living the life right now.**

**I wrote this story based off a two line...thing... I made this morning. For all Twilight fans, I don't have anything against twilight don't worry. ANNNDD I love James Potter JR.! ENJOY ;)**

Harry Potter sat in his living room with his eight year old child, James. James was passed the age where experiments like sticking a hand in the fire to see if it was hot intrigued him. He was ready for books now. Harry noticed this too and did not want James to become a Hermione. He shuddered thinking of this. He knew exactly how to scare him away from books.

"Hey, James! I have a perfect book to read to you. It's called Twilight," Harry said trying to make his voice sound mysterious.

James nearly peed his pants. He sprinted to where his father sat, tripping over his five year old brother laying on the floor. He army crawled the rest of the way and prepared himself for his father's reading.

"Alright, once upon a time-"

"Dad wait," James interupted, noticing his dad had nothing in his hands, "don't you need a book to read to me?"

"I've got it memorized, now SHUT UP!" Harry accidentally yelled. "Okay, once upon a time there was a girl named Bella. She moved away from her mom because she decided she wanted to live in crappy, emo-ass weather for the rest of her life instead of a nice and sunny little town. This girl was such a spazz that the town gave her her own parking space at every public resteraunt and had absolutly no self confidence. To top it all off, she was a Muggle."

James gasped. "No!"

"Yes! One day she met a vampire named Edward. No one questioned her decision to call him Edward instead of just Ed or Eddie or something. But they should have 'cause its not like that's a name that flows right of the tongue like Harry." He said exaggerating his name. "Hhhaaa-reeee. Haahhh-raaayyy..."

"Um...Dad? Should I stop you or is that just like an old person thing?"

"...Old person thing? I'm not old. I'm only like thirty-six! Nevermind," Harry said thinking of the cattle prod he kept in the attic. _Woah! Did I seriously think of caddle prodding my son 'cause he called me old? Dumbledore would only use it on me if I slapped his ass... _thought Harry. _Not in a gay way though...just to, uh, complement him on his nice effort. _"Alright, continuing with the story. So Edward wanted to eat her and then decided he was a lonely half dead guy still living with his parents. So he fell in love with her blah blah blah. One day, Bella met a werewolf named Jacob."

"JUST LIKE UNCLE REMUS!"

"Yea, but Uncle Remus died. Woah that was harsh, sorry son. No, though, nothing like Uncle Remus. Jacob could change whenever he wanted to and was a wolf, not the ugly thing that our world turns men into. It wasn't a painful change either and he could still think for himself. So Bella thought 'Huh, I wonder what it would b like to be Tiger Woods,' and fell in love with the werewolf while still in love with the vampire."

James screamed. (It was supposed to be a sigh, but he didn't know the difference yet.)

"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!" Harry yelled back.

"Dad! Where is the dialogue in this thing?" James complained.

"You're eight! How do you know what the word dialogue means! Okay you want some dialogue? Let's see...

"Edward, I love you!" Bella exclaimed.

Edward smiled, "Bella I-"

"Hold that thought babe, Jacob is over there and I need to tell him I love him. But I, uh, love you more! Not gunna lie, that's exactly what I'm gunna tell him too."

As Bella turned to go, Leah, in werewolf form, came barreling towards her. Bella only had time to say 'crap' ,(the only bad word she knows. Seriously that's the worst she says in the books), before Leah took her head off.

Jacob and Edward smiled at eachother from across the street.

"Finally!" Edward exclaimed.

"I thought she'd never die!" Jacob said. They did a dance together and realized that they kind of liked eachother. They began to date through college and got married and adopted two children. Bobby and Reject. Reject was its' nickname. Her real name was Bella, in honor of the girl they should have saved from a malicious death. Yup, that was all it took to wipe away the guilt.

"Is that how it really ended?" James asked with his eybrows so unnaturally high they were at his hairline.

"Stop doing that with your eyebrows! It's creepy. And no, but that's how it should have ended. Ahh, at the REAL end, Bella marries Edward and Jacob is all sad about it until he falls in love with their infant child like some creeper."

"A love sick-emo girl falls in love with a vampire _and_ a werewolf and cheats death until she gets married and is the mother in law of her best friend...do all books have such suckish story lines?" James asked, eybrows still at maximum height.

"Yes. So stop reading and don't let Aunt Hermione tell you otherwise. Drop your brows son."

"I'd love to but they're stuck up there." James started panicking.

"Ginny, get the broken electrical cords! We need to jolt James until his eyebrows come back down!" Harry called to the kitchen

"YOU ARE A WIZARD, USE YOUR WAND!" Ginny yelled back.

"I'm gunna make fun of everyone who reads or is dorky from now on." James stated.

"That's my boy!"

Thanks to the help of the Twilight series, James Potter Jr. was transformed into the arrogant little monster that almost everyone loves. And, because of his father's wand handling skills, he shocked his eyebrows down so hard, he got a little lightning bolt shaped scar. It was,after all, the Potter family crest.


End file.
